It was confusing and full of hummus
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
