Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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