I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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