shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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