A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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