i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
