Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
