your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
