I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
