I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
