I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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