You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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