You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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