I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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