So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
