How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
