not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
