just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
bring money and cleavage
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
