My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
