i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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