wakey wakey hands off snakey
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you made out with another girl for some wings
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
