i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
