I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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