dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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