there's paper in my vomit.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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