The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
