Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
