By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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