I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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