70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
