I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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