Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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