yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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