They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
