So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
