I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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