Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
