So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
