i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
