Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
