I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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