He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
