If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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