Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
