That reminds me...we need to get swords
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
