i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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