Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
