Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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