i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
