why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
